The Heart of the Matter

Love yourself like you did as a child
The Heart of the Matter

Love is the answer, but what is the question? Is there a heart so open that it is always breaking? Yes…but the point is that if your heart isn’t open, why else would you keep it closed?

We all live in fear…mostly fear of the truth that we ARE love. When you say, I love you to another person, do you expect that phrase to be parroted back to you? If you do, then consider this, you are making your love dependent on the other person’s response…whether you know it or not.

Before you close your heart, once again, to the possibility of loving someone after a big breakup with that special person you were sure was “The One,” consider a couple things.

First, if there was a split, no matter how wonderfully-delicious s/he seemed to be during the honeymoon phase, most likely the reality of that person being more than just your fantasy surely popped the bubble.

Second, the thing we all tend to mistake for love is really need-fulfillment in the form of another person due to the feeling that we ourselves lack something critical to our happiness. If you don’t see anything wrong with that, you can look forward to a lifetime of short, turbulent…if not occasionally fun, relationships. If you’re longing for someone to be more than that, consider changing your perspective.

Finally, and most likely, you will continue failing at the “love game” if you have not done one, very important thing first. What, you may ask, is that secret? You probably will balk at the answer…it’s falling in love with yourself first. Before we can recognize love in another, we must love ourselves. And, in my experience, very few people can look in the mirror without flinching and say to yourself, “I love you.”

This may, at first glance, seem highly egotistical, but it is not. Most of us were taught to have a sense of self-modesty and that we are imperfect, therefore, we have come to reason, we must be unlovable. How sad! Watch little kids before they’ve lost the feeling that they are adorable and lovable. They prance around, singing, laughing, engaging with others freely; no modesty there!

Fast forward to what we call adulthood and it’s no wonder that most of us suffer from feeling that we do not deserve love…even from ourselves! To get to the heart of the matter, there is no better place to start over than to emulative an innocent child. Try it. See what happens. But, most importantly, be gentle and patient with yourself, because it has been a long time since you showed YOU love!

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